How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
