No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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