make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
