erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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