i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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