is your mom at the bar?
You're my little dorito
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
