I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
