what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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