sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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