Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
