After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
