Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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