Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
