Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
