Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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