You're so nebulous sometimes
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
