If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
