I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
