seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I want is dick and wine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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