Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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