You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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