i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
