Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
