I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
