I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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