I got chris browned last night
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
