Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
