When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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