You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
