speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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