Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
