Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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