They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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