so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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