sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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