I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
