thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
