You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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