You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
