My room smells like vodka and shame
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
