Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
