Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
