the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They took my balls.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
