I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
