He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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