i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
