Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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