Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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