The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
