When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
